i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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