i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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