youre lurking in front of me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
