I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
