he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
