I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
