i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize