remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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