You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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