dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
where am i from again
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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