I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
