i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
