In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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