You smell like stripper and shame
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
