I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
