My sheets look like a crime scene.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
