you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
