y did u give ur computer a hand job?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
