I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
