At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my being single is dangerous.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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