I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
