I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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