Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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