You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
