i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
