if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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