Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
