he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
