i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
