im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
