Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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