I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up under a house in Key West
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