Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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