): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
