its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
