I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
