I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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