ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
