One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
