Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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