he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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