I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
