I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
