Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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