my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Green mimosas i think yes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
