My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
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Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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