just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
