guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
