ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
