i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
