my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
