What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
