I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
