I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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