Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
