haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
