ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
