I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
