The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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