Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
