She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
