They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
