there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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