can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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