..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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