You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
