so let's talk penis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
