thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
