So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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