just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
