Pregnant stripper...not hot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
